24 February 2011

Gervais Pens (fake) Oscars Opener


Since he will not be hosting the Oscars, Gervais has written a mock-opening for Anne Hathaway (AH) and James Franco (JF), the real hosts of Sunday's show. The bit is, in my opinion, biting and humorous. The best part comes at the beginning as Gervais makes fun of celebrities feeling of self worth through philanthropy. It might make you squirm to read what he says, but that is only because his jokes rest in truth.

AH
But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London...

(Nervous laughter)

He's doing some charity work.
Yeah, he's visiting orphans with cancer.
He's telling them what bald little losers they are...


JF
Yeah, cos he's rude right?

(Applause)

Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.

(Applause)

That's not to say that we don't care. No, apart from all the great movies we made this year we continued our life-saving philanthropy. Mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they'd been living off dead beetles all their lives.

AH
Yeah and Yoko Ono said. "What's wrong with that?"

(Laughter)

JF
Oh Anne you are naughty. In a respectful, wholesome way.

(Nodding and smiling)

That Ricky Gervais should do more for charity.

(Murmurs of agreement)

Ricky Gervais is now worth $80,000,000. The obnoxious Brit confirmed the figure, adding,"Yes and my dentist hasn't seen a penny."

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